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Hi friends. This post is a little bit of a tough one for me to write but I’m hoping that getting it all out will make me feel better and I really want to get your guys’ feedback so here goes:

A couple weeks ago when I blogged about my health and fitness goals I mentioned to you guys that I’ve been struggling for the past couple years to get back to my feel good weight. I also said that the number didn’t really matter to me as much as the way I felt when I was at that point. Well that was true. Sort of.

Right around the same time, my trainer Kenny and I came up with a plan to get me back on track once and for all.  I agreed to clean up my diet a little more (read: cut out  “stress” snacking and watch portions) and he agreed to give me an extra push in our workout sessions and start holding me more accountable (I’ve been texting him my daily meals and workouts).

I was a little skeptical because I feel like I’ve tried to get back on track before and life’s stresses or other things have gotten in the way making it more difficult. Still for the next two months I decided to make my fitness goals a priority. I was starting to get excited.

Well, yesterday marked the two week point since we started and Kenny wanted to check my progress with a routine weigh-in. When I stepped on the scale I was a little nervous but I really thought I would see some positive change – after all I had been working out out regularly and, although I wasn’t seeing changes quite as quickly as I would like, I had been feeling pretty good for the most part. It turns out my weight had changed two pounds – in the wrong direction. We usually also tape measure (waist, arms, thighs etc) to get a full picture but after seeing that number I wanted no part of it.

I maturely expressed my concerns threw a full blown temper tantrum in front of my trainer Kenny who sat quietly and listened while I ranted for awhile and then we went on with our workout in relative silence.

To say I was disappointed would be an understatement and frustrated doesn’t even begin to describe where I was at emotionally. I realize it’s only been two weeks and it’s possible that my body just needs time to adjust to the changes I’ve been making but I’m seriously so over this.

Over the past 24 hours I’ve been trying to rationally come up with a game plan without obsessing over it. Can I switch up my cardio to something my body is a little less accustomed to? Or maybe throwing some new foods in the mix would help? Have I been fooling myself about my eating habits? I’ll admit to taste testing some all of the yummy treats I’ve been baking over the past two weeks, still overall I felt I had been doing pretty well. And who wants to go through life without being able to sample a little dessert every now and then?

In an effort to feel better, I tried to remind myself of all of the health and fitness related goals I accomplished over the past two weeks that had nothing to do with weight (I ran 10 miles and felt pretty good doing it, I managed to successfully incorporate regular workouts back into my daily routine and have been feeling more energized as a result). Ultimately, the reason I exercise is for general health and well-being but I’m not going to lie, it is frustrating when I feel like I’m putting in effort and working hard and still not seeing any change.

In the past I’ve had a tendency to be too obsessive with fitness by keeping a food journal long after it had become more of a hindrence than a useful tool and working out too much and I really don’t want to go back to that. I’m really looking to find a balance where I’m able to stay active and health, to live my life without worrying over having a glass of wine or a few bites of dessert and feel great too.

So…any suggestions?

Breakfast this morning was a little bit of a change-up from the ordinary.

Eggs, millet toast with jelly and grapefruit. I can’t honestly remember the last time I’ve had grapefruit and according to Dr. Oz they’re good for your metabolism. I figured it couldn’t hurt. 🙂

Sorry this post isn’t as upbeat as usual but thanks for giving me the chance to vent. I’m looking forward to hearing your guys’ ideas. Hope you’re having a great Wednesday!